turmoil of feelings.

I can't even begin to describe what is going on in my mind at this moment. Not just my mind, my body, my soul, my whole being. I thought I was doing so well, turns out I was only kidding myself and really in denial. I guess each person starts a blog for their own personal reasons, I honestly first made it because I thought it was the new trend, I loved writing and one of my close friends started one, although hers is more on a political/ social based blog. I give her major props for her great writing and am very proud to name her a friend of mine. I wish her great health, everlasting success and happiness all through her life. (@Linah) Anyway back to my turmoil of feelings, I guess it just starts to build up, some little quirk that bothers me, then I tuck that away deep down in me, and keep stacking on that tiny quirk more tiny little quirks until it becomes a mountain of things that bother me and get under my skin. Ask me why do you do this to yourself? I have no idea. They always say worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair, it may waste time but it gets you nowhere. Speaking of time, I've been thinking of it a lot lately. Considering my birthday is coming up, and it will almost be a year until I have been in the states, also a year since I was last hospitalized overseas, six years since my grandfather's death, ten years since the car accident that led to my mom's death, all these dates,all these numbers, all these memories all around the same time, end of May to the beginning of June, it kind of makes it hard to celebrate my birthday when there are so many things to grieve for right after it. I don't want each blog entry to be like a novel so I'll stop this one for now and start a new one. Peace. Love. Happiness. HSA